Am taking a small break to write so that I don't completely fall apart in my office. In a patriarchal bureaucratic system that is relational, I am finding it very hard to not look past the the thought that if I weren't female, I may, right now, have my separation clearance form complete and an exit visa in hand. Now, you may say, "Monique, what a sexist thing to say!" To which, I would concede mildly, yet counter with, "Take out gender differences, and let's focus on the relational aspect of this system. Have I not served the university well over the past two years? Have I not, under ridiculous deadlines and auspices, finished everything that they've asked me to do? Have I not been a good public face for this university? If you say yes to these questions, then where has that relationship rifted so that I can't get a simple piece of paper processed that determines whether I get my four month's final salary and final exit visa?"
You may say to me, "Don't take it personally - this happens with everyone at the university!"
And I say, "How can I not take it personally that I may not leave this Kingdom, that I may lose all that I've worked for?" I advocate that money isn't everything, but on this day -- it's everything!
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