Hey, Blondie!

Last Wednesday, I took the 2pm bus home so that I could make it in time for my calligraphy class at the Arabic Cultural Center. When I got on the bus, I was immediately greeted with an emphatic wave from S, my seven year-old office assistant from last week. I sat behind her on the bus and entertained her with the classic game, "What's in my purse?" After sifting through packs of Kleenex, hair clips, my camera, etc. -- we came across my wallet. I said to S: "Do you want to see a picture of me?"

S: Yes!

M: Okay. Here it is. (I show her my iqama residency permit card).

S: This doesn't look like you!

M: I know. I look much younger - like I'm twelve, right?

S: Your hair is wrong.

M: My hair is wrong?

S: Here it's brown (points to the card). But your hair is yellow! (points to my hair as the sun hits it through the bus window)

M: (laugh) It changes color sometimes. If I'm inside, it's more brown. When I'm outside, it gets yellow.

S: (Looks at the card again with a grumpy look on her face.) I like the yellow.

During this exchange, I realize that S has stumbled upon one of the great identity crises of my life. By great I mean in the sense of dealing with it for a long time, not in the sense of profoundness. When I was young, I had platinum blonde hair. However, just before puberty, my hair darkened and I thought of myself as a person with light brown hair. It wasn't until college and interacting with Italians in Vienna, that I realized that many people perceive my hair to be blonde. As an insecure person, I was mortified by this on two fronts: 1. blondes are stereotypically slow -- do people stereotype me as being slow? and 2. -- am I not a good judge of my own hair color?!

Here in the Middle East, some people have described my hair as being "like gold" -- a compliment that I can accept since gold is sort of brown and sort of yellow. However, in this region, my hair color comes with a different stereotype -- blonde = Westerner = easy woman. My hair, when it gets loose from the hijab, does betray my ethnicity when in public, and I try to hide it before people make judgments about my character. However, when S told me that she liked the yellow, with her innocence of the world, I decided to accept my hair color. I agree with S -- it is a nice color that fits my complexion. Even though I don't always wish to accept it -- I am blonde. I can't control what people perceive of me based on my external. When they get to know me, they will see my true character, and I hope that because of my character, I can help chip away at the stereotypes of blondes.