It's all I can do to get through this day. This week marks the midterm point in the semester, thus we're holding midterms. This is the first institution in which I have not been responsible for my own midterm. I take that back. Technically, ESL 220 was more of a standardized midterm format, but at least the proctoring and input as to what prompts to use required my full one hundred percent participation. For the past two days, I've proctored midterm exams for four hours straight -- that's a full 8 hours worth of being vigilant against cheating, answering questions, sharpening pencils, keeping time, standing on my feet, fighting the urge to rip up the exams due to an ethical dilema I face regarding its format and execution. It has been enough to put me in a foul mood. I am thankful for a few positive things that are keeping me from imploding:
+ CARE PACKAGE FROM THE FAM!!! Even if it comprised mostly pre-washed underwear (thanks mother), it was great to receive mail from home and dote over the pictures Sissy sent and the notes that A and family wrote in the Peanuts card.
+ The ability to, for the first time, eat with a male colleague at a public restaurant. Although, I will concede that the Moroccan cashier at Habanero's assumed I was R's 'German wife,' so maybe that's why it was a nonissue...
+ Thanks to M, a chance to re-read Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried. Everytime I read the title short story, I'm humbled by O'Briens ability to make the Vietnam War poetical. As a pacifist, find violence to get one's way or force a certain political mindset to be unjustified. However, when I read this piece, my empathy for those who have sacrificed so much to serve is severe. R mentioned last night that he had had a discussion with his father about those who serve our country and whether or not a person who serves as a congressman or an IRS agent or a postal worker can say that they have served equally to one who has sereved in the military. Fundamentally, yes -- they all contribute their talents to society. Theoretically, no. What shreds of humanity that servicemen and women voluntarily give as part of their service outranks anything else. I cannot deny it. The sacrifices cannot be weighed or measured. Having to take someone else's life -- it's a burden I wish on no one, yet it is a burden that these men and women take up. A sacrifice that, scientifically speaking, bears no physical weight, yet acts as a fixed anchor to anything it shackles itself to.
Positives, Monique. Positives.
+ Bendy straws at Habernaro's. Yessss!
+ Experiencing feelings of tranquility when I write weekly vocabulary in Arabic script over and over and over again -- the orthography dark and thick like a child learning to write for the first time.
+ My ability to keep to a regimented exercise schedule for nearly nine weeks now. A higher metabolism does make it difficult to be in a classroom for four straight hours, though. Stomach...needs...food...now!
+ The knowledge that H, a former student will be in KSA soon. Yea!
Tomorrow, classes will resume as normal. Bring on the pre-extended holiday whining and complaining...
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